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Sepsis : home time.

Time to go home.

Time to go home innit.. So why I'm not all happy and chuffed?

Maybe coz I'm bloody scared. Maybe coz I'm still confused. Maybe coz I barely can make few steps without getting dizzy and exhausted..

The discharge time

All this today - nearly 2 weeks after I came in - happening so fast.. Decisions, lots of informations, plenty data to digest. Physio Tests and few doctors visits.. The tension builds up, no time for me to rest up, catch breath or put few thoughts together..

I should be happy right? I think I'm proper scared without even realising it..

Its been a while since I saw more than four walls and the same faces.. There's world out there waiting for me. A whole big piece of world. With people. What did I miss? What was happening?.. Wait, what day is it again?..

Another nurse talks to me..

Paperwork. She tells me what to do with this, where to take that , what to book and when, what meds to take, when and how long for..

All I hear is that machine keep beeping. Feel dizzy. I say yes, no problem..

Another one coming saying I need to pack up and will be taken to discharge unit and that guy is there straight away with his wheelchair.

Damn no room to breathe.

I'm packed, he helps. I'm wheeling on that chair. I'm out the room. This corridor has no end. Too many people, all watching me. Got to elevator, stopped, I'm fainting. Thinking, shit, am I gonna go bk now? Lad is bit worried but we made it to discharge room. Plenty water. Deep breaths in and out. Proper bloody anxiety attack that was.

Left there in the corner looking out the window, trying to breathe.

Calm down, calm down.

Shoes off. Trousers up. Hot.

They all watching me. Took me some time to control it.. Hour gone by, then another one. Meds finally here. She's talking, I'm trying to keep it together..

My brothers here, grabbing a wheelchair. Helps me sit on it and off we go. So much calmer now.

Quick toilet and I'm ready to leave this place.

Rolling out.

It's raining. But it ain't matter.

Fuck me, how nice it was.. Hands holding head, head up towards sky. Eyes closed, crying the rest of remaining tears out.

Wasnt sure if it's for real.. It was..

Got in the car. Bro put wheelie away. A moment of contemplation..

Don't remember much of the way back.

Remember Marlena waiting outside house, another unreal moment..

Getting in, dogs getting mad. Balloons and banners everywhere.

I'm home.

Maja gets back from school first,

then Maks. They both couldn't believe I'm there. I couldn't believe I got tears left. What a feeling...

I'm exhausted. Knackered. Need a nap. Need to digest the reality. Need to be back.

Off to the next episode..

Peace and love ♥️

Support here if it feels like.

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