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I doubted myself.

I doubted myself big style man, I've had all the reasons to do so though.. What a mad few days it was, I'm telling ya. Proper madness.. Don't even know where to start but let's try..

First, few days back, I got that allergic reaction to god knows what. It just came up late in the night, started of with itchy palms then everything was itching and more i was scratching The more of my body was itching 🤦🏽‍♂️ I was reading, or rather trying to read a book but eventually went downstairs as it was all too much. Looked in the mirror and got all scared man 🤦🏽‍♂️. Went straight to medicine cupboard and overdose on antihistamines, necked down like a litre of water too. All this took me some time as my fingers and hands swallen too. You don't wanna see what happened to my legs! Didn't even dare to take a photo, all fluid bubbles, red and swallen. Few minutes later was able to take a selfie, look at that man 😢

No sleep for ugly man until almost morning! You can imagine I've had a great day trying to recover. Luckily though woke up feeling and looking much much better!

Oh well, it needs more than that to break me so I've just carried on with daily tasks and jobs, staying positive and smiling as always..

Bolton Ironman in 2019 - which even with physiotherapy, CbdFit cbd products ( use code STAG30 for 30% discount) and all kind of under counter treatment is still playing up every now and then especially with all kind of endurance training. Next one is right shoulder which was playing before but then I damaged itbfurther showing off at Ninja Warrior, that put me off any upper body training for 8 weeks 😢 due to torn ligaments. The other one is pulled left hamstring and gluteus which I snapped in stupid way, not even gonna talk about it. The last one put me off for 2 months of doing anything on my lower body. I couldn't even walk for couple of weeks, in pain for few. Whole hamstring and part of gluteus just bruised up badly like I smashed with a baseball bat!

Anyway.. The long run comes and I feel confident even though only got back to running training January the 4th. Haven't run much, if at all, second half of 2020 or even if I did it was just a few minutes of struggle 🤣 Run is good, I'm sticking to nice easy pace - HR zone 2, max zone 3. Fueling, hydrating with gels and powders from Komfuel ( use code SLAVFIT for 25% discount) then at 25k my left knee goes! Man, bloody pain and I still got 5k to do. Struggle, proper struggle. Thoughts in my head. Disappointing, worry that what if this happens on the race day.. Just wanted to walk home. But I didn't. I went all around to get planned distance. Was in agony when arrived home. Pain everywhere. Both knees, hamstring, gluteus, calves.. My head was in dark place.

I doubted meself. Survived the day somehow and decided not to run for a week..

Fighting my own thoughts, fighting fears away I doubted myself. But didn't give up. Tried to stay positive as much as I could..

Then... Lol, yes there's more..

Wednesday comes, early afternoon, I felt sick. Like proper sick. Was throwing up, couldn't eat. Survived the day just to find myself in bed with shivers, high temperature, headache, tummy ache, dehydrated from toilet visits. All body aches, muscle aches af, joints aches af.. No sleep for me again. Seriously thought I picked that flu called covid - again. Funny though as it would have been exactly 1 year after first symptoms when I've had it last year lol. But I tested negative. Thanks fuck I thought. Means I can work.. Thursday I felt like shit with headaches but at least I've eaten and drunk. By night time felt much better.. Was looking forward to good sleep.. And I slept OK, until I woke up 🤦🏽‍♂️ Yes, there's more lol 😂

So, I woke up and my lower back feels funny. Get off bed just to end up on my fours 😢 Ony fours getting to hallway where family laughing at me until realising there's something wrong.. Sciatica came back. I suffer from it for like 3-4 years now. It comes on every few months and lasts a week or two. Usually just right hand side - this time ( of course) both sides. Fuck my life I'm thinking. Long run tomorrow. Big race - The Millennium Way ultra 41m in 2 weeks. I doubted myself again. But I'm not giving up. Up my Cbd intake, creams, oils. Stretch. Roll over the ball. Staying positive. Fighting the pain and demons on my head.

My knees hurts. My hams and arse aches. My back aches. My head is full of worries. And all that whilst I'm working with clients, dealing with their and mine problems, organising, planning, trying to keep all happy and motivated, staying or play being positive.. I'm not giving in though. They say don't run tomorrow, you don't have to. But I'm stubborn. I always heard how stubborn I am. Remember back in time it worried me a bit until I realise being stubborn can be actually pretty good and helpful with reaching out and touching your goals and dreams.

So, Saturday morning comes, I'm strapping up - knees bands, hams support, lots of cbd muscle cream. Getting my nutrition supplies, putting my aftershokz and Clifton 7 on and heading out without planning a route to do my 33k. First 5k I'm staying close to home. Testing it all. It feels OK. Doable. I'm deciding to stick to comfy but slower pace and heading out for a mental trip with Joe Rogan podcast.. Everytime garmin tells me lap distance I can't stop myself from smiling. I'm doing it. Overcoming fears and little aches. Running smart. Mile after mile.. I don't daubt myself anymore..

I never gave in.

Peace 🕊

Guys check our club virtual challenges

Check this too, great mind recovery

After tri coach?

Triathlon club? 🤔

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